He Survived

Tonight I left both girls with Dave while I went to my sisters for a Pampered Chef party. It was nice getting away. I asked Emma before I left if Daddy would be ok watching Izzie... She said "I don't think so!" and laughed. Well he did ok with them. Izzie is at a stage where she is not very happy if mommy is not in the picture. But when I got home Izzie was asleep and in bed. Dave did a good job. However Emma said Izzie screamed a lot.

It's nice to have a weekend at home with Dave here. It's about 10:30PM and Emma is running around the house like a mad woman. She had her Easter party at school and had way too much sugar and is running around the house. Here is her picture today. And here is Izzie laughing at her bunny ears.

Bye Bye Curly......

We love American Idol and were sad to see Chris Sligh leave last night. He deserved to go but we were pulling for him since he was from Greenville. So farewell curly... it was a good ride for you.....

Oh, and we finally got HD on our local channels... Came as a surprise last night and it is so amazing to watch the picture quality of a show in HD.... Dave and I just love it. The biggest pleasures in life can come from the most simplest things..... So worth the investment!

The security of a blanket

I just love getting small glimpses of God through small pictures. This morning Emma woke up and did her usual. It's either straight to the tub or bath. Our water bill at times takes a beating since she always has a bath before bed but equally loves one in the morning too. It's the simple things in life that make her happy so if she loves baths and showers that much we don't mind paying the extra dollar. This morning before she got into the shower I was watching her hug her blankets... bite her blankets.... give a big sigh before laying them in a safe dry spot on the floor. These pieces of worn Cotton serve as such a security and comfort to her. If she's sad, upset, hurt, happy... normally the blankets are with her. It brings back such fond memories of my childhood since I was a blanky kid too. As I watched her I could not help but get a beautiful glimpse of the way I feel about the Lord.... All the things that she find in her blankets I sit and say thank you Lord that when I am sad, upset, hurt, happy... you are there for me.. I find my security in you and you alone. When all else fails you are the only one that remains tried and true.

Very simple but such a good reminder to me this morning.
Happy Tuesday to everyone.

I've fallen off the band wagon

Well... I'm not too proud of myself anymore. I have fallen off the band wagon. I have been eating everything in sight. Tonight I made a body for life chicken casserole and then our friends called and talked us into going to Pizza Inn. You would think I would be conservative with my portions.... I feel so bloated right now because I ate so much. Oh well... Isn't that life? You've got ups and downs. We ran into the Parks family while we were there. Had not seen the kids or Ginger in about a year.. So Ginger if you read this.. It was nice bumping into all of you. But I will try again tomorrow to get back into the normal eating routine.....

A thought for tonight.... If your kid wants moon sand "DON"T GET IT!" It's the biggest crock and the messiest stuff you'll ever find. It's sand people. We were at toys r us about a month ago and Emma saw it and asked if she could get some. I thought it would be a good idea. I had seen the commercials and it claimed to be mess free sand. I thought that was perfect. Well it's not. I've attempted to throw it out twice now and Emma both times has found it in the garbage saying "Mom... don't throw this out! " She played with it today and I spent tonight cleaning it up... that is why I comment on it. It has this powder to it that sticks to them and it's not for inside or outside play for that matter... At least that is my opinion.

And on opinions.... here's the deal. I don't expect everyone to agree with all that I say or comment about. That would be rather boring... and I don't claim to be right in all that I say... It's a blog people and a blog is for expressing yourself. Just had to put that disclaimer out there. My husband lead me to believe that I'm too opinionated...:)

Dave and Emma are calling me to play the princess game so I'm outta here! Poor Dave... He is such a good dad to his girls!

Thoughts

Dave is home, the girls are asleep, my house is clean, all is well with the world... or is it? Today has been a day of constant thoughts for me. Started out with my lack of motivation to go to church so I visited Bedside Baptist. It's so bad. I get a lot of my inspiration from Engage on Tuesday nights so I don't feel like at the end of the week God is not showing something to me through corporate encounters with Him. So I don't feel too bad for missing. I thought I might have more to say about that but Dave assured me that I didn't.

I've thought a lot today about worship and why it is that the only place I feel my soul totally free to worship is while I'm belting out singing in the car. It perplexes me. Why can't I just worship free in corporate times of worship without feeling like people are looking at me or that I am looking at someone else wondering if they really are that in tune with the spirit by their outward actions or is it all a show and they are missing it. I so long to be free but always feel hindered.

I've been mad a bit today too thinking about why God has not brought an "Older and Wiser" woman into my life when it seems like I so desperately plead for that. What is wrong with the older generation above me that thinks they have nothing to offer us younger woman. I've desired this my whole life and still there is no one to fill that void. And now I have become that older person that needs to be mentoring the 20 year old in their journey. But I feel so ill prepared. Will I ever feel like I have something of value to offer the younger generation woman when those needs have not been personally met in my own life?

And then there is the heartbreaking thoughts I've had today of woman who like me a year ago are longing to have more children but just can't seem to conceive. They sit there watching other people come and go through the process and yet their hearts desires remain so vulnerably open. I don't know what to say to them. Sitting on this side of a miracle in my own life I can't understand why I was delivered but they are still waiting.

And I still can't get past the fact that Rick Ousley... our former pastor and mentor to my husband has been living a lie for so long. The media broke news on Friday and it has been so interesting to read all the blogs that people have on it. If even part of any of what they are saying is true... It's unimaginable. And it makes me wonder how many of the people that I know are living a lie of their own? My one friend told my other friend that all she knows that is true that she personally is not having an affair. And I must agree with her as to how I feel is that all I know is that I am not having an affair or hiding behind any kind of terrible sin. Because I would hope by now that I could say that no one in my community is in that position but I would not be that bold to say that anymore because apparently people hide so much crap.

So yes I did not go to church today but I think I was needing to be thinking about some things today. I hate to be so vulnerable in a blog but at the end of the day does it really matter? One thing in life that I don't ever want to do is be fake or be living a lie. And this is my way of expressing myself.

So throw all of that into a blender and try mixing it up and see what you come up with... (my friend shared that thought with me too)

Tomorrow... a start to another day... another mistake, another lie, another accomplishment, another passion full filled. You decide. But for today and the days to come I know that My heart is spoken for and because of that I will do my best to make the most that I can of tomorrow with all that I have been given.

Saturday Funny

Not so funny...
When will my child Izzie stop waking up at 4AM and refusing to go back to sleep until 6:30AM? She has done this 4x this past week... last night being another one. She is about to kill me....

Funny:
Dave called this morning from Tifton to tell me that he forgot his preaching bible... No big surprise. He's ALWAYS forgetting something. Last weekend he left for an event and walked out the door without his backpack (which has everything he needs in it) I found it and called him as he was already 5 minutes down the road....
Today he was needing some info off of one of the post it notes in Luke... His bible is covered in post it notes on all the passages that he has spoken on... It's just his system. And I started to chuckle because it made me think about something funny.......
A few years ago.. Norris his buddy was leaving for an event and had left his bible somewhere so he borrowed Dave's. The next time Dave went to use his bible he about had a panic attach when he noticed that the hundreds of post its were gone. Norris had seen all the post its and decided to help Dave clean his bible out. Dave spent the next month trying to put back all the post its in their rightful place... Just thought that was funny.

Emma's friend Brennan had his first T-Ball game today. He is the first Wayfarer Kid that is old enough to take part in these events. We were all so excited to go and see him. It's the start of this stage in our lives. So scary that our kids are not babies anymore!

Brennan Up to Bat!

The Girls cheering him on. This is the Wayfarer Posse... All of us wives at Wayfarer each had a girl in the year of 2006. I am sure the future holds lots of fun for all of us!

Farewell Body for Life!

Body for Life....

We have just about finished our body for life program that we have been on. Back in January all of Wayfarer decided to do it. Wives and all. Dave and I hung in there for the first 7 weeks of the 12 week program. The past month has been more like the Dave and Kim for Life program. I was skeptical at first but the results for me have been great even with being only on the plan and not exercising which is very surprising. I have come to the realization that when working part time I can't find any time in my day to exercise. When I am home I want to be with the kids not heading off to our treadmill and Izzie is still causing me such a lack of sleep that getting up early is just not an option. So hopefully soon I will find the time to find out where I can fit it in. But regardless I surprisingly was able to get back to below my pre pregnancy weight.. Yeah! (Big deal for me since I gained 50+ pounds with having Izzie.. Yikes! ) Now my body does not look the same... Izzie really did a number on me... but the scale makes me feel like I made progress. I can really tell in my face. Regardless it has been a good experience and we have made some good life changes in our family..... So here are the things we have changed/learned... I think most of my personal success had to do with cutting sugar totally out of what I ate. But rest assured there was a free day each week that we could eat whatever we wanted!

- The switch to diet coke from coke has been fairly easy. We won't go back.... And coke zero is amazing!
- Never knew that Splenda could be so good in things like tea..... not bad at all
- Have adapted to the taste of fat free sour cream.
- Learned that cheese made with 1/2 % milk is just as good as the real thing.
- Eating whole wheat products like spaghetti, bread, tortillas are great. Better than white
- Ground Turkey makes a great substitute for Ground beef
- Butter buds really do help a baked potato taste good
- Go Lean Cereal by Kashi is so good and we all now eat breakfast in the morning
- We eat a lot more fruit now
- I can finally drink skim milk
- Natural peanut butter is really better than the processed version.

We really will start keep eating the more healthy way when we can. The best part of the program is that for people who don't like to cook... there is a book that has all you need to know. I was able to make meals that were easy and good.

So there you go. It has been a fun ride but I'm glad it's about over. I do have to give MAJOR props to our friends Chris and Audrey Brooks. They have been on it faithfully till the end and have their pictures coming up. Audrey looks amazing and I am so proud of her! (Chris Too!) She really inspires me to one day do this again with the exercise involved! It's one thing to loose weight but it's a totally other thing to change the fat content of your body and build muscle.

Before Body for Life... Deer in the headlights I can't believe I'm posting this picture! Does this look like a mugshot of a person who got busted for partying too hard???


After Body For Life.... Ok.. this looks a little better.. I hope....

I killed a baby bird.....

Don't you just hate that? I was driving around a corner on a winding road yesterday on my way to work and I looked down and sitting in the middle of the road was this cute baby bird. Looked so tiny that it must have just left it's nest to explore. It was too late to slow down or divert. I hoped that it would just stay in the middle as I passed over but no such luck. I thought I heard a crunch but was too afraid to look back in my rear view mirror. On my way home that afternoon I made a point to look in the road where the incident happened. There is was... a flat blot in the road. I feel so bad. I hate when that happens. This little bird had no idea what hit him. It was just minding his own business and bam.... life is gone.

My mind always takes me to sick places when I hit something on the road. I internally feel like I ran over my kid. Why do I do that? So Mr. baby bird.... I am sorry for so tragical taking your life at such a young age. I am sure the world had such promise in store for you. And let this be a constant reminder to us all that our days here are numbered and at any point or any time something might catch us off guard and out we go... So live life to it's fullest everyday. It's not worth the risk not too!

And on a more happier note... This weekend is the last weekend in my husbands spring travel schedule. I just sent him off this morning for his event in Georgia. It has been a busy spring coming off of a slammed fall. And adding Izzie to our world has not made his time on the road any easier for us girls waiting for him to return. But I must say that at the end of the day, I am so glad that he gets the opportunity to be in the road and have "awakening redefinition" encounters with other people. That's his calling and his passion and I am honored to support him 100% in it. With that said... we certainly will enjoy the slow months of April and May before Summer madness hits..... So yeah to this last hurrah! Be safe on the road and I can't wait to see you on Sunday!

Took these of the girls last night. Izzie is getting to be so much fun and Emma just loves her!

Wake up and Breath Again

Engage. How refreshing... how much needed in my life. www.engagegod.org We are in a series called the domino effect and have been talking about how when you come to the cross and you still have the choice to keep choosing life, to turn and still do evil or worse yet.. do nothing.

And those that do nothing for the cause of the cross stand as an obstacle as an embarrassment to the cross... and instead of leading people through the cross to life, we become an obstacle to the good that God wants to do in the world. Isn't that so true? And I think we can all relate to that at some point in our life. We may not be on a street holding a sign telling people that they are going to hell...... (which I am so embarrassed to think people who claim to be Christians would do such an act) but maybe the fact that so many of us do nothing at all... that we are just as bad..... just a thought!

There is so much we can do to catalyst change and bring life to people who so desperately need it. I think our generation seeks that. Here are some stats that always put things into perspective. So often when I get caught up in the worldly stuff of better homes, cars, more money to do more things... having a world perspective is all it takes to humble me and make me realize just how blessed I am and just how much I can do to change this world! Our family... we really believe that we are going to change the world. Our community believes that too and Dave and I love to flesh out what that means to us now and down the road.

So the challenge.... Live and dream people! Life is calling for you to do that! As lyrics from Spur 58... "Wake up and Breath again... there is life outside"

Life expectancy
-Worldwide: 68 years
-Industrialized countries (14 percent of the world): 79 years
-Least-developed countries (12 percent of the world): 53 years

Infant mortality
-Worldwide: 5.2 percent
-Industrialized countries: 0.5 percent
-Least-developed countries: 9.7 percent

People use adequate sanitation facilities
-Worldwide: 59 percent
-Industrialized countries: 100 percent
-Least-developed countries: 36 percent

Children reach grade 5 in school
-Worldwide: 83 percent
-Least-developed countries: 69 percent

Adult literacy
-Worldwide: 80 percent
-Least-developed countries: 60 percent

People live on less than $1 a day
-Worldwide: 21 percent
-Least-developed countries: 41 percent

Adults (15 and older) who have HIV/AIDS
-Worldwide: 1.0 percent
-Industrialized countries: 0.4 percent
-Least-developed countries: 2.7 percent

Random thougths on a random day

Hollywood:
Do you think Katie Couric regrets her decision to move to the nightly news. She just does not look comfortable there. I really miss her on the Today Show. However big props to Meridith Vierra.. I think she is fitting in just fine.

Do you think any less of John Mayer because he is dating Jessica Simpson? They seem so random....

Rosie on the view.... Can't believe ABC would allow the view to become her view.. very sad...

I can't stand people bashing Angelina Jolie and Madonna for adopting... Thank goodness for them... they are giving love and a home to someone who needs one. Shame on America for judging any part of that.

On that note.. .Oprah and her school... Good for her for doing something with her money to help. Stop bashing her that she's doing it in Africa and not America.

Motherhood:
The ultimate conflict to work or not to work. Amazing how many moms who stay at home need a break or how many moms work but want to stay at home. I love the part time option and think I'm personally a better mother because of it. I can have a break, get to have adult conversations, adult lunches, run errands and when I'm home I get to love being just mom. At the end of there is really no money made but sanity saved! :) At least that is how I feel about it today... now tomorrow.....

Will I ever get a full nights sleep again?

Why is going from 1 to 2 so darn hard?

Do dads know that it's OK for them to change diapers?

God:
Will I ever feel like I really know him?

Why can't I communicate about God the way I do about other things I am passionate about in life?

Happy Tuesday to everyone. Thank goodness Engage is tonight. I'm in need of some thought provoking time.......

Back to work!

Something to be proud of

First Something that I'm not proud of....

I want to apologize for my rant yesterday. I want to express that I don't want to be mad... I'm just sad for everyone involved when an affair happens. Every time we hear of someone we know and respect fall to this it's really heart breaking. We hope and wish the best to all that are involved. I have no more to say on that subject.

Something to be proud of...

I finished the girls swing set this weekend and am so proud of myself. Never thought I could do it. And I really loved every minute of putting it together. Besides Reichley starting the frame and my dad helping bolt the top part on... Every screw and hole drilled I did. Emma is enjoying her "park" which she referrs to it as. So where was my husband during this whole process? Not quite sure and still trying to figure that one out. Even when we were putting the big pieces together on Sunday he had to disappear and go on an 8 mile run.... HMMM. He got back just in time to ask if he screw in the last screw.. I said no way!!! I love my husband but if there is a swing to be built or something to be fixed in the house he always prefers to have someone paid to do it. ... It's just not his thing and I totally respect that!

To my parents and grandparents who made it possible for us to get this swing set.... Thank you for all you do for our family. The tangibles and intangibles. I always feel so humbled to be blessed by you all in so many ways! You are always giving and doing way too much for the girls. I don't know what else to say.

Here she is in all it's glory!

Emma Waving from her window....



Izzie @ 4 months... One day soon she'll enjoy it too!

It has happened again

It has happened again and it makes me want to throw up. We just found out again that another person in our ministry circles has been found out about having an affair. It really pisses me off. What are these people thinking? And the bad thing is that they are not feeling guilty and coming forward with this information. Someone is ratting on them and so they now have to confess and say I messed up. This has been hitting way too close to home since my husband travels and speaks for a living. I have told him multiple times starting a few years ago when we would hear news of people you would never imagine having affairs that..."just fyi... If you ever cheat on me... that's it... I won't be showing any grace or understanding and you will loose me and your kids. You can expect to have visitation rights and that's about it." I hate to be so blunt but you kind of have to these days. And I am far from being naive to think that this could not happen to us. I am not the wife that is going to tell my husband... if you ever cheat on my I'll never leave you or divorce you. Now let me clarify... we have a wonderful marriage and commitment to each other. I would never in a million years think that would happen to us but then again... It can happen to anyone as people are so often proving. Isn't sin so devastating at times? Dave and I just sit and look at each other and can't comprehend how these people that we thought we knew were so fake and living such a deep dark lie... not only to themselves but to everyone else.

The hard thing I am trying to wrap my mind around is that these current people who speak about God and Lead people in worship for a living, who are entrusted with real broken people with a message of redemption... how they can keep doing that when they are embedded in sinful lie. I truly believe if you are in a vocation where you are impacting people with the gospel that you are truly held to a higher standard of morality. And if you can't hold up to that standard go sell cars!!! Don't ruin lives of people who trust you with helping them along with their journey. I don't know how they can live with themselves. How can you take a stage and talk about and sing about God and not be big enough of a man to deal with Him with your own crap. These people are hypocrites and I have no tolerance for them.

It also makes me to start to respect other speakers and worship leaders that I know that do take God seriously and do hold themselves to a higher standard because they know the cost of what would happen if they mess up.

So I am sorry that I am not showing much Grace here but I don't feel bad for these people. And I don't feel bad that they have lost any current chance of ministry. Oh and I'm tired of people saying that their spouse is fine with it and they have worked things out... NO YOU HAVE NOT... GO GET SOME FREAKING COUNSELING. IT'S NOT OK!!!!!!!

All right... I 'm a little too fired up for a Sunday morning... I am sure in the next few weeks I'll start to feel bad for these people. The difference between me right now and God is that God can make such beauty our of their brokenness. So I hope they are on a journey of redemption in their lives.... But until then, let me end with a little salute to my husband...

Dave,
I respect you for knowing the cost of messing up especially when you work in the environments that you do. I am so proud that you are a godly man and take so seriously the message that has been given to you to proclaim. I am glad that you have a community of friends in your life established that hold you accountable to these high standards. I never doubt your relationship with the Lord or your relationship with our family. You live and breath him. Every time you speak I listen with such attention not because I am your wife but because I know your heart to be pure. I know the hours you have researched and worked through and prayed through your talk... your message. It is very obvious and apparent. You are an unbelievable communicator. You have a god given gift. Thank you for always taking your job seriously and with integrity. Thank you for giving 100% every where you go. To the small crowds and the large. Your growing ministry is proof of your sincerity and integrity... And if you ever make me eat these words... I'll personally kill you myself! :)

Mom, I don't want to die!

So I wake up this morning... Emma has been at the bottom of our bed watching Aladdin and she jumps up to my pillow and says... Mom, I don't want to die... And I thought to myself "oh brother what did I create?"

Last night we had a family night. First one in a long time since Dave seems to have been on the road every weekend since January. I know that is not true but it seems that way. So to have a Friday night to do whatever was wonderful. We let Emma make our plans. We told her she could do anything she wanted. She wanted pizza and to play games at Frankie's fun park. So off we went. Pizza place was slammed so we went to Panera and had Pizza... Not bad either. Had not had it before but it was good. I had a woman come up to me and say she was astounded at how well behaved Emma was. I wanted to tell her that is was her mothers hard work and doing but then I explained she was 4. People still think she's 2 but don't tell her that.

Off we went to Frankie's and had lots of fun. Went to turn in our tickets for prizes and saw they had a bowl of fish so we got a plastic blue fish. We used to have a fish named Blue and he passed a few months ago. It was hard to see him go after changing his water every week for almost 3 yrs but one morning Emma found him swimming upside down and by that night he died. So at that time blue fish was flushed and we said he was in heaven with Jesus. So she picked out a blue fish from Frankie's and it really looked just like him.

So at home last night Emma is playing with her fish and she says to me "mom, blue fish died" And I told her "yes he did, he was a good fish wasn't he" and then stupid me went on and said one day we will all die. That's life, you are small like Izzie and you grow and get old and gray hair and then we will die too. First, I have no idea what I was thinking it just blahhed it out. And Emma very concerned kept saying "but I don't want to die! " I tried to change the subject after saying but when we do we get to go hang out with Jesus....." and again subject change.... So this morning I about "died" when that's the first thing she says. It's like she has been thinking about it all night. And when she said that I said "what are you talking about" and she said "mom, what you said last night remember?" and I said "Oh silly I was talking about blue fish" and told her to go watch Aladin!

So life lesson... don't talk to your kids about things they can't understand quite yet!

Looking forward to a good day. Finishing the swing set and then out to dinner with our friends from Spur. Can't wait!

It's different the second time around

I just finished rocking my 4 month old to sleep. I love bedtime with her. It's custom to sit in her dark room... pat her on her back... and send her off to never land. You would have seldom found me doing this with my first born Emma. I think I was far too concerned about the success of laying her in her crib awake to have her fall asleep on her own. Honestly, the main reason was so when another parent would ask I'd be the proud mom who could say.."yeah I just place her in her crib awake and out she goes". It never really worked with Emma much anyway. She is now 4 and has yet to spend the whole night in her own room... At about 4am every morning she finds her way downstairs to our room and lays at the foot of our bed. We don't even hear her anymore. We just know she is there when we wake up or try to stretch out our feet too far. Again a bothersome problem to have at times but in a few years I'll be wishing she was still doing it.

One thing I have been reminded of lately is that your kids actually do grow up too quick. I can't believe Emma is 4. So this second time around I am doing things differently and enjoying the moments of infant hood regardless of what my babywise book is telling me to do.

Sweet dreams girls... mommy loves you both so very much.......

Can I say I'm Awesome???

About a week ago, my grandmother and mother approached me about getting a swing set for the girls... Since just having Izzie we are about flat broke but when they offered to "help" I could not resist. (I think they wanted one more than I did) So off we went to Toys R Us to get it. They had a sale which was great because we were able to get one with more features.

My husband about killed me when a few days later I told him we were taking our lunch to go to Lowes and rent a truck and pick this mammoth thing up. He still was not thrilled I was taking this project on. He hates put it together yourself things... I assured him all would be well because I was going to get our trusty friend and neighbor down the road to put it together for us.

We started on it last weekend... Well I should say Reichley "our friend" started on it... A few hours in and long and behold we were missing a board and everthing came to a holt. So this week... I've been itching to get in the garage and work on it... so if you know anything about me you know that I can't stand an unfinished project... so off I went to finish it.....

AND...... It's almost done and I am so proud of myself. First let me say that things like this call to my sweet spot so I've really enjoyed doing it and am kind of glad Reichley has not been able to get back down here again. And I have had one fantastic little helper. Emma has been loving it just about as much as me. We've really been the working buddets... is buddets a word?

What other mother out there can claim that she physically built a swing set for her kids... It's not all done yet but It's getting there. I'll just need the guys help in connecting the pieces. I've really learned a lot about myself these past few days... One, I need to work on my patience but Two... I am darn good with a drill and tool box!

In the midst of Communicators

I live in the midst of communicators and I think that is why I seldom feel like I have anything to say..... My husband and his friends.. they communicate for a living... even their wives speak at seminars and conferences... I open my mouth and all I hear is blahhhhhh.....

One of my friends is going through a really hard time right now and I can't seem to find the words to say to her. Everyone else has all these words... and again there I sit. It makes me feel like I can't contribute or that I walk away and feel like... she has no idea that I am really perplexed over her situation....

People have always had things to say to me at my dire times of need.... This friend of mine that is going through a rough time right now even had encouraged me a while back.... when I was in the midst of my darkest times......

So even though I don't know what to say to her... maybe her words will ring true to her today.... and remind her that against it all... we must have passion to believe that there is hope..... So to my dear friend... take these words from your mouth and believe them and live them..... They are words of such great encouragement... at least they were to me....

" I don't find joy in your pain, but rather in awareness that you are so alive and feeling so immensely. You Kim have given me reason to doubt but even more, a reason to believe, I have chosen the latter as my place of rest. Thank you for letting me look into your life, both love and pain, seeing your heart, has made me know why we must continue to live with passion, or else we are dead."