Death

My friend Wendy went home to Tifton yesterday to attend a funeral of her cousin who tragically lost her husband of three years in a car accident. He was on his way to get more mulch for the yard because he wanted the house to look nice for their new family. Erika his wife is expecting their first child in 4 weeks. How do you attempt to process the loss? A first time mother who will deliver a son... to be named after his father who is now not there or ever will be.

These are the moments where I always ask.. how can God allow this to happen? There are no answers. Just heartbreak. It lead Dave and I into a good discussion on death and the what would each of us do if the other passed suddenly. Dave travels so much on the road and I always pray for his safety when he is gone. We have vaguely talked about it in the past but this instance brought the conversation back. It brings comfort to me to know we address some of the stuff you never want to talk about. I wanted to know what he would want me to do with making his arrangements etc. Morbid I know but these are things that can be a reality when you may least expect it. It would bring comfort to me knowing that we talked about it. I hope we have a long wonderful life together filled with many many years.

If you are a believer you know that death does not have the final word in this life. It's so hard for the people left behind. As I close these thoughts I know this to be true, Everyone will die. No one escapes death. We will all be in that moment some day. Death is not the end for those of us who believe. Life.... once again.... live every moment with fulfillment. Each day with purpose. It's not worth not too.....

Jesus, please be with Erika and the Nalls family during this time. When there are no words that can comfort I pray you bring your perfect peace.

Disturbed

Dave has been out of town since Sunday and I am in total survival mode. We have our annual golf tourney this Friday, Izzie acts as if she is dying minute by minute, Emma had a wild day today and me... I am about fizzled out. I don't know how these single moms do it. I can only conceive it if that is all they have ever known. But when you have help and that help vanishes here and there... well things get a little helter skelter around here. I don't even think I just made sense....

Then I just got done watching American Idol and I want to go sell my house and all my possessions and go get as many kids from Africa and bring them home to live with us. I wish we all got more glimpses of the reality of people in our world. What's that statistic? If you make like 18,000.00 a year you are in the top 2% of wealth in the world? It's something like that . It makes you sick at times when you do get a good reality check when we get caught up in having a bigger house, better cars, more material possessions. For the love people. We are so blessed beyond measure. I am so humbled when I get those constant reminders. Dave and I have been really talking lately about doing some radical things with our money to better others. I'll keep you posted when we get it figured out.

So there you go. A bunch of mixed emotions and trying to keep it real. I feel so overwhelmed with having 2 children. Coming from a small family and Dave had a small family too. It's very hard for us to picture us with a large family. But I know there are children that are supposed to be a part of our home.. our family. I don't know where, when, or how. I just constantly feel that nagging at my heart and know it is to be. So I'll keep you posted on that too!

I really need bed. I need sleep. I need rest. But how can you rest when there are so many people in need.... I'm very disturbed.

13.1

13.1 are the miles my husband ran today in his first ever 1/2 marathon! He did a great job and we his family are so proud of him. I really did not want him to do it. He has had two knee surgery's from playing college soccer and it's just not smart for him to run on his knee. He did it anyway and seemed to be fine. So he, Reichley and Norris all ran a half marathon this month. Here are pics of our day. It was fun cheering him on at the finish line!

Dave heading to the finish line...... Emma cheering him on with the sign she made. It says I love you daddy.
Dave about to pass out or as he said... "my body is shutting down"
Reichley, Lindsay and Dave... the half marathon group
All the runners. Chris and Audrey ran the 5K earlier that morning
Me and my girls

Celebrating with a Pizza lunch

Izzie and Amelia... worn out!

Conversations of a preschoolers

I was driving Sam and Emma to school this morning. Always an interesting ride. Here is how it went.

Emma: Mom, does God have a big bed?

Sam: God does not have a bed Emma. He lives in Heaven.

Emma: I know Sam. Jesus' has a bed. It's smaller than Gods.

Sam: Emma! They don't have beds...UGHHH....

A little while later....
Emma: Mom, when we pray is God in the walls?

Sam: No Emma God is in Heaven. He is in the sky.

Emma: No Sam God is in my heart he's not in the sky. Jesus is in my heart.

Sam: I know Emma. God is in the sky and Jesus is in your heart.

Emma: Sam you are silly.

Sam: I'm not silly Emma! (pout)

Mom: Ok Guys we are almost at school!

These are the moments that you want to write down and cherish forever. It's fun watching your kids as the very simple questions and work out their little theology at this point. As you can see I think the whole concept of God and Jesus and them being the same but different gets them confused. But I love when I'm allowed to be in the room when these conversations are had.

Good and Evil

Every time something bad happens I always have a time of reflection on my life and our family. It always makes me ask the tough questions. Like how can God allow this stuff to happen? Why are there so many evil people in this world? When will enough be enough? And then I always do the check list I have in my head.... Have I lived each day with no regrets? If I were out of here tomorrow would I be ok with it? What things in my life am I so caught up in that don't really matter? Anyway... as I was driving into work this morning thinking about things... I felt such peace knowing that if today would be my last that I have lived the life I've always dreamed of and have lived each day hard with no regrets. The only thing that tugs at my heart is the people that I would leave behind. I can't imagine my kids having to live life without me. I would hate to miss them live life. My heart goes out to all the families who lost such precious loved ones yesterday. I can't even imagine. We live in a world that has the potential for both good and evil. So if you read this I hope you will take a moment to have some self evaluation. Ask yourself your own questions of importance. The one thing for sure is that one day we will all check out of here. Everyone dies. Hopefully we will all have long. healthy and abundant lives. Don't be afraid to live in the here and now. We have such potential to do good in this world. Live in Faith believing that all things are possible. A little bit of rambled thoughts from a rambled mind that has processed all it can for today and needs to go to bed....

An Amazing Time

Dave and I just got back today from our overnight getaway. We had an amazing time. It was everything I could have hoped for and more. We were at lunch a week or so ago on the actual day of our anniversary and someone had asked us to share what we thought had made our marriage so successful for the past 9 years... Besides the fact that we have it all together all the time (yeah whatever! :)) I would have to say that one of the things that has helped us out a lot is that when we first got married we committed that no matter how much money, kids or time we had or did not have that we would always take time to get away without kids and have time together. We take a yearly vacation with friends and we try to get away just Dave and I a few times a year.. just the two of us. This has been so important to us and so good for our marriage.

We left Sunday around 2 and headed for Greenville. We did some random driving around looking at some things and just relaxing. We checked in to the hotel got a good nap.. .which was amazing. Uninterrupted sleep is something I have been craving lately. We got ready for dinner, and during that time while I was getting ready, when I walked back into the room I noticed a gift sitting on the end of the bed. He got me. Dave had gone to my favorite jeweler in town. I could not wait to open the box. Inside was a beautiful 7 diamond white gold journey necklace. It is beautiful and so perfect. Dave is great about getting things for me with meaning... So he went on to explain the necklace and the journey of our marriage that it represents etc. Again, I was so surprised and felt so lucky to be heading to dinner with my hand in his and a beautiful piece of jewelery on my neck. He really made me feel so special. I mean he always makes me feel special and this time was not any different. Dinner was great, and when we got back we had drinks at the hotel which were even better. We got lots of rest and relaxation and slept in today until almost 11! And again... taking time away like this away from the kids and just it being us has been huge. Thanks mom and dad for making it easy for us to get away and have a little adult time.
And reality hit as we pulled back into the driveway this afternoon. Back to the madness of the Rhodes home at this time in our lives. 2 kids, not a lot of sleep and a lot of work to be done!

I am a terrible mom

First let me just say that the Rhodes family is a walking sick factory right now. Emma has this Chronic cough... I was just at the DR yesterday and diagnosed with a throat infection and Izzie... well let me tell you about Izzie.

I feel so bad about how I have been thinking about her lately. If you read one of my last posts you would have heard about how she has been so VERY unpleasant for the past few weeks. Waking up at night and not wanting to go back to sleep. Screaming if you leave her on the floor unattended. As long as I, MOM was holding her she seemed fine. Well Emma had passed on the Chronic cough to Izzie. For the past two days I have been watching her like a hawk because she has this terrible cough and her chest seems so tight. Our friends daughter had a bout with RSV a while back and watching them go through that time was so scary. So I am just really over sensitive about my 5 month old and her colds. I hate when they are young and have colds because you can't give them anything for it and if it progresses it can become very serious. Well after she started wheezing last night I decided to take her to the Dr this morning. So off we went. I almost cancelled because she did seem a lot better when she woke up this morning.
While there... she does have some aspiration issues in her left lung... good to know but nothing serious at this point.. however they checked her ears and she has two very major double ear infections. To the tune of good thing we found this because her ear drums could have ruptured... Anyway I feel terrible.

I had absolutely no clue she had any issue whatsoever with her ears. When Emma was little and had an ear infection we knew it because she would scream her head off for hours on end... but Izzie who has been fussy a lot has always been so pleasant if I was holding her. Again.. no clue!!! But as I look back on it now.. I see why she has been waking in the middle of the night not going back to sleep unless I am holding her... I've let her scream it out in the crib for a few hours here and there and she must have been in a lot of pain in hindsight....
Well there you go. When you think it's the ears... It's not and when you think it's not... it is. A no win battle for sure. We are all looking forward to feeling better around here.

So I am very thankful I took her in today and I am sure she is too. Hopefully the real fun and pleasant Izzie will make a comeback at this house in the next few weeks. I guess I'm still learning to read her but obviously not doing so hot!

On a happier note... Dave and I are heading out of town.. well in town... tomorrow to celebrate our anniversary. My parents are watching the girls for us and we are heading to the Westin Pointsette in Greenville for some much needed R&R and fun... They have these beds called the heavenly beds and let's just say it's worth every penny for the room!!! Of course the kids are sick when we plan something like this. I am so thankful for my dear mother who is begging for us to still go.... She is a brave woman!

Friday Night Lights

So sad that we are finally over with the season. Dave and I love a good hour on the couch now and then and we really loved this show. It took us by surprise and it is very creatively written. I am not a big football person at all so I did not think I would get into the show but football is just a background for a lot of other good story lines. So why don't more people watch it? I think it's because they have never watched it or they think it's all about football.... OK so there you go. Make sure you go out and rent season 1 before season 2 gets here next fall! It will be worth your money!

Why Can't I Sleep?

I took 2 Tylenol PM's last night and headed to bed at 8PM. Crazy I know but I think I was about to shut down. Izzie is killing me at night. She is waking at random times and won't go back to sleep. We have been letting her scream it out but even behind all the closed doors you still hear her and I still can't get back to sleep. She is so unpleasant right now. I love her to death but right now she's killing me. She has such a terrible disposition these past few weeks and I don't know what to do to help her. I am sure Emma was the same way. We sang a song about Emma that went Fussy Wussy Emma... Fussy Wussy Girl... So I know she was fussy too... It's just hard to remember her that way. This too shall pass but it does not make it any easier.

I forgot to mention that Dave did end up going to the Masters. We were laying around on Saturday and Chad called at 11AM and said I have 2 tickets if you can get here by 2. Dave was already undressing during the 1 minute call and already committed us both to be there. This is when I just have to roll my eyes at my husband and realize he has no clue about some things. He just committed us to be gone from Noon until Midnight. Let me remind you... we have two kids... and somehow in his mind we were going to find sitters and head out the door in the next 30 minutes. Minus the fact that I had to go pick up Emma's Easter Dress and get the house ready to host Easter dinner the following Day. I would like to say my husband stayed with me and realized we could not go but nope... I ended up getting screwed!!!! He took my mom instead and I was left with the kids and all the prep work.... I am saying all of this because sometimes I want to pat myself on the back and say I am a "darn good wife!" Sometimes Dave realizes that other times he doesn't. But I am glad that he was able to go and in the end my day went OK after all..... But yes Dave made his appearance again at the Masters this year and was even on TV.....

Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday....

Busy and Crazy having to get the kids fed and dressed and out the door. I am finding that I am constantly the last person that gets ready for anything.. and today the blow dryer broke.... Oh well that is life. We made it to church and then home for a big Easter dinner that I was hosting with all of my family. Good news is that I did not have to make the Turkey. My grandmother did... thank goodness. Emma loved waking up and getting some surprises from the Easter Bunny. It's so much fun having little ones that believe in the make believe. I just now got the house picked up and am ready for some R and R. We missed having Dave's parents here. Last year we were in Florida for Easter. I am hoping that these pictures serve as propaganda to get them up for a visit. Before you know it Izzie will be walking!

The Rhodes Family

Pics of the girls.....

Me holding Izzie in her favorite position while Sam and Emma had an Easter Egg hunt. I forgot to get their pictures!

Busy, Busy, Busy

The past 3 days have been so busy.... Is anyone else out there tired or is it just me. Izzie just went to bed and Emma is up in her room watching the Disney Princesses. Maybe she'll fall asleep here soon too... Oh no such luck... I just heard her jumping off of her bed. So now I just need my time to sit and reflect. Dave and I just looked at each other and I asked if he was tired too? He's whipped. He said if we were both full time stay at home parents our kids would be in trouble! I agreed. Izzie is going through this phase where she will scream her head off unless I am in the room or holding her. I am honored really but come on.... Emma and I went out to the store tonight and she screamed for an hour for Dave and as soon as I walked in the door she stopped. Oh such is life....

Wednesday night Sam had his birthday party. It was so much fun and the weather was beautiful. Thursday... well I can't really remember what happened yesterday... except last night Dave and I thought it would be nice and relaxing to watch a movie. We rented the Good Shepherd. I was lost most of the time and still can't understand what I watched or what happened. And we did not get it started until almost 10PM so we were up past 12... Bad mistake when we have built in alarms that beg for us to get out of bed at 7am. Today we just laid around till lunch and decided to take the girls to Chucky Cheese. We took Sam along too..... Had coupons so it made it more enjoyable... and now I just sit and am thinking about heading to bed. It feels like tomorrow should be Sunday but it's not.

Emma as a Florida Gator Cheerleader for Sam's Party. We are not big Gator people... Dave's parents had given us the outfit.....

Emma, Brennan and Sam after eating cake!

Vegas AKA.. Reichley lead in the games....

Izzie being held by mom... Surprise, Surprise:)
Oh yeah.. .my husband has been on the couch for the past 2 days watching the Masters. He normally gets to go one of the days to Augusta but this year he isn't going. He went down for a practice round on Monday so at least he was there. He's been very fortunate for the past 5 years he has always gotten to go. Chad's dad Jim has tickets and somehow Dave always got to go. I feel bad seeing him like a lost puppy.... but at least he's got HD TV to watch it on... It's as if he is there anyway! :)


Bed is calling....

Happy Anniversary Babe!

Living the Blessing....

9 years ago today Dave and I were married at his home church in RockVegas. (Rockledge, FL). I remember the first time we met. It was my sophomore year of college. Dave had asked me to a singing Christmas Tree performance. We went. Talked a little. He dropped me back off and that was that. No connection. He or I were not interested. Didn't talk or really see him for a year. A year later our paths cross again. My group of friends were hanging out with his group of friends. And if you know our story you know there still was not interest there... at least on my part. He was just this nice short little soccer player. Everyone claimed we looked like we could be brother and sister. Regardless, we hung out a lot. Became great friends. I got worried and thought he was thinking that I wanted more. We had a DTR. I told him I only wanted to be friends. He looked at me as if I were crazy to think there was anything more.... he "said" he felt the same. So with that under the table we found ourselves hanging out even more.

A few more months go by and we are about to go on spring break. He is heading on a missions trip to Antigua and I am heading to Tampa to see family. While I am gone I am really missing him.... I mean REALLY missing him. It was then that I knew. I knew I wanted more than friends. I knew I wanted this person to be a part of my life. I knew that I loved this person. After the week away I headed back to campus and plopped myself on his doorstep waiting for him to return. He did. I asked if I could take him to dinner. Told him how I felt. He felt the same... had for a long time... and the rest... well..... it's our history. A wonderful one at that. Life has been so much fun with Dave. I wake up each day knowing I'm secure and wondering what new journey we'll be on. I realize that I am living in the blessing. God has blessed us so much. He’s blessed me. We have a beautiful home, two crazy wonderful daughters, friends that share our life with us, and our one family that is close by helping our journey and one that is way too far helping too.

So Dave, I’m so proud of you for what you have done with your life and how you lead our lives together. I love my life. I love you, I love our family. I am beyond thankful that we were brought together. I truly feel everyday that I’m living in the blessing. Thanks for putting up with me. In some ways our life has just begun!

Love you!
Me

The meaning of Easter

We were at church this past Sunday and they showed a clip of this guy going around asking people if they knew the meaning behind Easter. It was shocking how many people celebrate the holiday but have no idea what they are celebrating. So many people were dumbfounded. I know not everyone is religious or spiritual for that matter but I was really intrigued by this. So in the car ride home I was telling Dave my thoughts on the matter and "how can people celebrate something that they don't even know about" I went on to say how these people were idiots etc.... Then Dave turns it back on me and says "well do you know the meanings behind Hanukkah?" And I looked at him and said, "I know some of the things they do but no... I don't really know the history behind Hanukkah" He got me. I was telling of the planks in other people's eyes while I have one hanging out my eye too...

So the meaning of Hanukkah... I researched it.....
Hanukkah is the annual Jewish festival celebrated on eight successive days beginning on the 25th day of Kislev, the third month of the Jewish calendar, corresponding, approximately, to December in the Gregorian calendar. It is also known as the Festival of Lights, Feast of Dedication, and Feast of the Maccabees, Hanukkah commemorates the rededication of the Temple of Jerusalem by Judas Maccabee in 165 BC after the Temple had been profaned by Antiochus IV Epiphanes, king of Syria and overlord of Palestine. Did you know that? Shame on you if you didn't! :)

But I do want to take the rest of this week and spend it on my thoughts on the Easter Holiday. Now that Emma is 4 she is understanding more about things and it's time for her to start knowing that yes we have this thing called the Easter Bunny that comes and leaves us candy and stuff but we also celebrate Easter because it symbolizes to the christian faith that Jesus has risen and is alive. And let me just say.. If you don't know me, I hate characterizing myself in Christianity. There are so many claimed Christians out there that give Christianity a bad name. I would rather like to say that I am part of a bigger movement that as a person and as a family we are trying to make beauty out of all the broken places in this world through the power given to us by the Resurrection. Side Note: I loved watching Studio 60 when it was on because they kept doing these takes on crazy Christians and Dave and I would just laugh and laugh. One of Wayfarers new mission statements or values is "God before Christianity" And that about sums it up for me personally too.... OK sorry for that rant and sorry if you think differently than me on that one... my blog my thoughts...

So Easter. I am so thankful that I am not alone in this world. That I don't go to bed every night or wake up ever morning without more of a purpose in life than just going to a job or raising my kids. There has to be more. There is more. Over 2000 years ago a man fully human but fully God made the ultimate sacrifice for me with his life and on the 3rd day he defeated death. So that is what I celebrate this week. I celebrate life. Life that has meaning and purpose and mission because it has been birthed out of a Resurrection.

I'm trying to find the band wagon

So here is the deal... The past three weeks I had fallen off the band wagon and it went way on ahead of me. Now I am yelling for it trying to find it.... Do you ever feel like that in life. Here is what happened.

Yesterday at church the nursery systems went down so there were very long lines at the check in process. While waiting Emma's friend Logan came over to hang out with us. While he was there he looked at me and said.. "Miss Kim, are you having another baby?" He's 4 yrs old by the way.... and I looked at him and said "Oh my! No... Why are you wondering? Do I look like I'm going to have another baby?" He smiled and me and laughed and said "yes!" Dave who was standing next to me started to chuckle. "That's it" I told him. "I am going back on body for life and starting to use the treadmill today. I just got called out by a 4 year old! "

So here is the deal if you know me.... If I carry any extra weight at all it goes straight to my mid section. My children have both done a real number on me. I basically shot out like a Boeing 747 with both kids. It was unimaginable how straight out my stomach went. And it will never.. I mean never be the same again. When skin stretches that far out.... when it retracts there is no where for it to go! Ok, I think I've given way too much detail. So anyway.. I'm already at a permanent disadvantage.... But whenever I gain those extra pounds it just accents my already beautiful belly.... With that said I have put back on a few pounds these past few weeks from eating way too much chocolate and ice cream and pizza and leave it to a 4 year old to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Here's the deal... I'm not that obsessed about weight or how I look. I am very comfortable in my skin. However I don't want anyone to look at me and wonder if I'm pregnant. So I am going to try and make sure that you don't have to question that. As far as Logan... Sweet precious Logan. I want to thank him for giving me the extra motivation to try and keep a healthy lifestyle and get some physical activity in during my week. Leave it to an innocent child to be able to speak truth! Gotta love it. So last night was the first night back on the treadmill and it wont' be the last.
Happy Monday!

Happy Birthday Kayleigh

Today is Dave's sister Kayleighs 5 year old birthday. I bet many of you did not know that I had a sister in law who is 5!

5 years ago today Kayleigh was born into a world that did not have much to personally offer her. She was born addicted to heroin with a mother who did not want her, into a family that was very messed up and not able to care for her. That is when Dave's parents felt called to take this little girl and make a better life for her and call her their own. So courageous being 45ish at the time to start life over with kids again. They were just about a few years into enjoying life as empty Nester's.

Kayleigh is a beautiful girl who has been given the world in love and back again. She is so blessed and so loved and so well taken care of.

Emma loves Kayleigh and we are so thankful for her to be in our family. Kayleigh is Emma's best girlfriend and loves to play all day all the girly stuff when they are together. We miss her so much since we are in SC and she is in FL. Out times together are too few and in between but we make the best out of it as we can.

So happy birthday Kayleigh. We love you very much and are so blessed that you are a part of our family!

In Conflict

I don't assume that hardly any people read my posts... but I may be wrong. The past few days I have been in conflict again about the whole Ousley thing. To the point where I hate to even blog on it anymore. A very dear friend of mine had shared the other day about her feelings on the whole thing. She is very close to one of Ricks daughters and has been through this whole thing with a whole other perspective or set of eyes. She is seeing the side of things that rest on the family and how they are having to deal with this. Not many people really think about that aspect of things when they start to share their thoughts. So I who had blogged about Rick a few weeks ago was feeling sort of bad for publicly putting my thoughts out there. Our community has been affected by his actions and the first response is to process that through conversation. There have been many random conversations about it but I think when you put the pen to paper it all of a sudden makes your conversation more real. So I have been in constant thought about is it ok to blog about this and to what point do you or do you not say things. There is a blog area on the Birmingham news section that have over 600 posts and the stuff being said there... some good and some bad. I think people have a right to say what they want to say however there are a lot of evil people in this world that use those opportunities to bring destruction and evil. And that is very apparent if you ever read the blogs. I think things are now to the point where there is as many lies out there about things as their are truths. And when Ricks only statement made to the public is so very vague you can see where the truth will probably never be found.

Sorting all this out in my head.... I think I have rested with the fact that it's ok for me to express myself. I still want to do it very cautiously. Rick lead a very public ministry and every time he was ministering he was verbally touching peoples hearts and minds with God's truth. So when something devastating like an affair happens so many people feel so connected with the deceit. It was Rick who welcomed me when I joined the church at Brook Hills... It was Rick that my husband would get up so early in the morning to go meet to be mentored by for the years while we were at Birmingham. It was Rick we wanted to go see and get a hug from when we came back visiting always feeling very proud to be able to tell him how our ministry was going here in South Carolina. And now at the end of the day you now know that the image that we had of this man has been shattered. It's partly our fault because we held him to such a high standard and trusted him. I guess we are finding out in these days and times trust and honesty are very hard to come by in so many circumstances.

So you just feel sick inside. Take Rick out of it. When ever you trust and respect any person so highly and then find out that the things you thought that were true were only built on deceit and lies... It leaves you personally questioning a lot of things about yourself as well. Which is where I find myself. I feel like I am personally owed the truth. I know that will never happen but my heart is resting there. I feel like my husband is owed the truth. I also know that all this is not about me and that this has a lot more to do with the healing of his family and closest friends. I hope that they will find their truth so that their hearts will begin to heal and they will come to peace.

Thanks for letting me blog. I will no longer be blogging on this subject and have attempted to put it at rest.