In Conflict

I don't assume that hardly any people read my posts... but I may be wrong. The past few days I have been in conflict again about the whole Ousley thing. To the point where I hate to even blog on it anymore. A very dear friend of mine had shared the other day about her feelings on the whole thing. She is very close to one of Ricks daughters and has been through this whole thing with a whole other perspective or set of eyes. She is seeing the side of things that rest on the family and how they are having to deal with this. Not many people really think about that aspect of things when they start to share their thoughts. So I who had blogged about Rick a few weeks ago was feeling sort of bad for publicly putting my thoughts out there. Our community has been affected by his actions and the first response is to process that through conversation. There have been many random conversations about it but I think when you put the pen to paper it all of a sudden makes your conversation more real. So I have been in constant thought about is it ok to blog about this and to what point do you or do you not say things. There is a blog area on the Birmingham news section that have over 600 posts and the stuff being said there... some good and some bad. I think people have a right to say what they want to say however there are a lot of evil people in this world that use those opportunities to bring destruction and evil. And that is very apparent if you ever read the blogs. I think things are now to the point where there is as many lies out there about things as their are truths. And when Ricks only statement made to the public is so very vague you can see where the truth will probably never be found.

Sorting all this out in my head.... I think I have rested with the fact that it's ok for me to express myself. I still want to do it very cautiously. Rick lead a very public ministry and every time he was ministering he was verbally touching peoples hearts and minds with God's truth. So when something devastating like an affair happens so many people feel so connected with the deceit. It was Rick who welcomed me when I joined the church at Brook Hills... It was Rick that my husband would get up so early in the morning to go meet to be mentored by for the years while we were at Birmingham. It was Rick we wanted to go see and get a hug from when we came back visiting always feeling very proud to be able to tell him how our ministry was going here in South Carolina. And now at the end of the day you now know that the image that we had of this man has been shattered. It's partly our fault because we held him to such a high standard and trusted him. I guess we are finding out in these days and times trust and honesty are very hard to come by in so many circumstances.

So you just feel sick inside. Take Rick out of it. When ever you trust and respect any person so highly and then find out that the things you thought that were true were only built on deceit and lies... It leaves you personally questioning a lot of things about yourself as well. Which is where I find myself. I feel like I am personally owed the truth. I know that will never happen but my heart is resting there. I feel like my husband is owed the truth. I also know that all this is not about me and that this has a lot more to do with the healing of his family and closest friends. I hope that they will find their truth so that their hearts will begin to heal and they will come to peace.

Thanks for letting me blog. I will no longer be blogging on this subject and have attempted to put it at rest.